I have moved:

Miss Penny Pincher

How apt.

This is the beginning of a new chapter.

I'm really quite torn between staying in UK and going back to Singapore to work.

It's sort of like, realizing that all you have ever wished for when you were younger, were not as wonderful as you have imagined. The tax rate is going to kill me, the foreign workers issue is on the rise again, the housing prices are ridiculous, that uk job market is not doing too well, and I miss home.

Whatever. Wherever life brings me, since I'm already almost at the end of the road. Just go with the flow I guess. Just go with the flow.

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Please let me get well soon. I'm so tired of being sick!

Joan is slowly losing her sense of innocence.

The children came around for trick or treat, and all I could think of, was that the parents could have bought them a lot more candy with the amount of money they spent on dressing the kids up as little monsters. What happened to childhood, happiness, and having fun?

As I get nearer and nearer graduation, I worry more and more about my future; job availability, career advancement, graduate school applications and eligibility, funding. It's just scary. Having to grow up; having to fend for yourself.

Working overseas just look really glamorous, but in reality, it just looks really good on the CV, and not really that good on the bank account unless you don't have to pay for housing.

By the time I graduate, the people that I am really close with would have left. So I'd be really alone.

It's just 3 years of my life, and I can do it.

3 years in exchange for future advancement. 3 years in exchange for a possible eligibility into grad school. 3 years in something that I don't want to do. 3 years for a line in my CV that says 'made in London'.

It's too late to turn back now, is it?

I'm really worried.

I really wish sometimes that I am really just the bimbotic airhead I appear to be. I really wish sometimes that all I care about was really just getting a boyfriend. I really wish sometimes that all I want is really just to lose weight. I really wish sometimes that all I get angry for was what people think about me.

I'm losing my innocence and I want it back.

I'm already tired before I even start.

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I have 3 interviews lined up.

None of which I am really interested in.
None of which I applied for.

A fool-proof plan; a lonely road in sight.
A new way out; with no future light.

A confused mind; a need to run.
I need to run away now.

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I wish I could trust enough to pray, for help, for salvation, like everyone else. I wish I could ask for help freely and believe wholeheartedly that it will come. I wish I was less cynical, about life, about religion, about hope. I wish I was like everyone else.

I think men should never date just because they are desperately in need of a girlfriend. It defeats the whole purpose of 'falling in love'.

As in, I do not agree with the concept of falling in love because you want to be in love. Falling in love should be... unexpected. I think.

So says the girl without experience. Perhaps I expected too much from love.

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Joan really hates it when people don't understand that she won't be earning as much as everyone thinks that she will be. It's just FREAKING ANNOYING when people say, 'Aiyarh you work in UK, earn so much' whatever and whatever. Or, 'you earn so much you should treat us'. Oh, and 'you're earning in pounds!'.

Excuse me, but which part of your minute brain do you not understand 30% income tax, 17.5% vat, council tax, house rent of minimum 500 quid per month, water and electricity bills, transportation fees of 4 quid a day which translates to 120 quid a month, plus the fact that I probably need to eat too? And I have to save for my Masters course, and all the tests I would probably have to take just to apply for a place.

I think the most incredibly stupid statement is still 'you earn in pounds'. Oh really? Does it seem to you that I am earning in pounds and paying for food and housing with Indonesian Rupiahs? That is such a stupid statement!!! Yes, I earn in pounds; but I spend in pounds too! Why has that not occurred to anyone???

So please. Think before you open your stupid big mouth again.

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Joan is killing the housemate.

With her flu bug.

It's a vicious cycle, really. I got sick, and passed it on to him. So now he's very sick too, so I can't get well because he is also sick and there are germs all over the place. So when I am getting better, while he is sick, it would mean that I would stop getting better and get sick again because he is sick, and vice versa.

Which means we will both carry on being sick.

But at least it's a bit more fun being sick together because we can force each other to eat medicine. Muahahahaha.

Joan has found ANOTHER hole in her winter coat! This time, it's HUGE! Seriously have no idea how to fix the hole this time. Sigh.

Plus the fact that I am having severe coughing and cold right now; plus the hole in the coat means that I wont be warm and therefore will be even more sick.

Save me. Please contribute to 'Buy Joan a Warm Coat' fund.

Joan does not understand why she always create trouble for herself.

She paid USD170 for an graduate entry exam, JUST IN CASE she gets retrenched before starting work and MAY need to do masters. Now she has to study for an upcoming exam in 2 weeks, where she has to starve because her pocket is very light now after paying for the exam AND the exam guidebook, while learning, with alacrity, multiple neologisms, which with her obtuse mind, could prove to be a rather daunting and difficult task.

Not to mention that my coat is also torn, but I can't afford to replace it; combined with the fact that it doesn't keep me warm. I am going to starve, and I am going to be cold.

Oh well, at least I am covering every possible scenarios with a way out, which was something I would never have done if it was last year, so perhaps, at least this shows that I am beginning to make plans, and on the route to truly growing up.

Joan just realised that she may not be able to carry out her previously 'well' thought-out life plan.

An MBA costs US$73k per year, including living expenses, and lasts for 2 years. Which means that I would have to save up to US$150k in 3 years!

WHAT THE HELL?? I don't even earn US$150k in 3 years!

Guess it's back to the drawing board.

Or pray that the parents will suddenly become multi-millionaires and pay for my Masters.

The markets are making me feel depressed. With more and more firms announcing write-downs of billions of dollars, and banks replying to say that they are not hiring anymore, I feel so screwed up.

I'm in danger of retrenchment before I could even start work! Apparently the bank who took over the firm I signed on with, don't hire foreigners. Am not sure if the policy will stay in the transition period, so I'm like neither here nor there.

I signed up for GRE just in case I have to make the choice of doing Masters if I lost my job before I started work. Sigh.

Typical but amusing conversation between Joan & the housematey:

Joan: 'Oh I know what to get for her birthday!'
Housematey: 'It's too expensive.'
Joan: 'I haven't said what yet!!!!'
Housematey: 'I know.'
Joan: '...'

Joan: 'When's dinner?'
Housematey: 'It's only 4pm. Come back later when you're hungry.'
Joan: '...'
Housematey: 'Oh you're back!'

In one of my 'legally-blonde' moments, minus the blonde hair, I shall quote something from Glamour magazine:
'The average woman thinks about her body every 15minutes - that's more than the average man thinks about sex.'

Unfortunately, that is, according to my own point of view, very true. To add on, I think the average woman thinks about other girls' body in the moments that they are not thinking about their own.

Sad truth of life.

And I discovered one side of my boobs seems to be bigger than the other, because my bra fits perfectly in one side, while the other side keeps threatening to pop out and say hi to everyone.

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Joan is sick.

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I drew up a life plan the other day, after coming back from an interview, having discovered that I cannot go on like this, being questioned again and again about what I want in my life and yet, not having an answer to. I am tired of not knowing, tired of not having thought about my own future, except to hope that tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow has been better so far, but I haven't really had any idea what tomorrow will be like in 5 years time, or what I want it to be like.

So I wondered, and wondered.

And now, I've decided.

And no, it has nothing to do with being the chief editor of Glamour, or some other random legally-blonde magazine. Neither does it involve the word 'taitai' which everyone has stigmatised me with. Though they will be nice too! But these are less probable considering I don't plan to change industry until I have enough money, and by then I would be old, and not able to follow up. So out goes these wonderful ideas.

Fighting!

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Am really disgusted by this girl now; am entirely certain that she is using my friend by cheating his feelings. I totally abhor such girls! Sluts! I really hate it when they tell a guy they like them so that they can use them to do things for them and be nice to them.

Totally disgusting.

I also don't understand why so many of my guy friends are happy being dogs. Why? Why can't they ever see that they are being used, and the girl will never ever like them? I need to spread my cynical view of love.

Men should never listen to boybands. It makes them weak.